December 5, 2007

I'm Not JUST a Mom...

I've had such an internal battle going on inside me lately. Ideas and thoughts have been creeping into my mind about how I need to do something with my life and be more than JUST a mom.
When I was only in the fifth grade, I remember a guest speaker who was a dental hygienist. She was beautiful and charmed me with details of how she worked part time, had a family and still made a good income. She seemed to have things 'all together.' Since that first time I saw her, I decided that I was going to be a dental hygienist too. Well, life happened---I got married and had a baby. My dreams sort of got pushed to the back burner. So lately I've wondered if it would still be possible to pursue that goal--with a child! Well, it would take a lot of work, time AND sacrifice. I looked into the classes I would need to qualify for the program and saw that I would need about 30 more credits in addition to the schooling that I've already taken. Wow...that's a lot of work.
Then my mind wandered toward beauty school. It attracted me because I am such a girlie girl, there is a school only 10 minutes from my home and it would only take me about a year. BUT, what would I do with my Lilly??? Shane and I began to discuss options of putting her in daycare since I would be in school from Tuesday through Saturday 8-5. I thought about it and pondered. Then I prayed, then I thought some more. Exciting plans started to fill my head about starting my own small salon and being able to work from home. BUT, the worry and anxiety kept coming back about putting Lilly in daycare. It would be one thing if I were leaving her with a close friend or a family relative, but that isn't an option for me.
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On Monday night, Shane and I sat down and talked about all the pros and cons of attending cosmetology school. I felt so much peace when Shane and I came to the conclusion that the most important thing for me to be doing right now is to be a mom. There is no substitute for me! My Lilly needs me and I need her just as much. I have decided to still keep pursuing my dreams of dental hygiene. I'm going to complete as many courses as possible online and then I will have to take my labs and math and science classes in the Tri-Cities or in Spokane, sinch we will be moving there in just over a year for Shane's 3rd year of Pharamacy school.
I know that I've been going through this internal struggle for a reason. Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy. I know now what my purpose is and that I am CHOOSING to stay home with my daughter. This whole process has given me a new insight and respect for those women that do it all---such as school, work and have a family. I guess I've always wanted to 'do it all' as well. And by gollie I can! It's only a matter of time. But, for now--- I CHOOSE TO BE A MOM AND A DARN GOOD ONE!!!


bowman family said...

Hi Erica- I found your blog the other day and have been reading some of your post- I hope you don't mind. I just have to tell you that I completely understand your conflict. I am in the same position as you are. I haven't finished school yet and in the past it wasn't a huge priority for me. Of course, after I had Brennen I started feeling like I needed to go back to school. I had to make the same desicion as you and it was really hard for me. Mason and I came to the conclusion that until our kids are older and he is out of school that I will stay home. I'll go back part time, but it's more important that it is the Right Time. Hope you guys are doing well. I know you will be blessed for your sacrifice. Keep in touch.
love, kim bowman

Wendy Christensen said...

I love you Erica... That internal conflict is there for a reason. And you're a better person because of it. I'm proud of you - I believe in chasing down dreams and you will accomplish all you want to and the Lord will help you!! :)
And Lilly is so blessed to have you as her MOM!!!